The stages of grief are not reserved for death & break-ups...I've been going through them all week. The older I get the more I'd like to think I'd gotten some shit down , but you know what? I'm not ready for this level of fuck-ed-up-ed-ness. I knew the risks involved when I came on board, but I honestly thought this might be the last step down I took on the path to righteousness...I'm not getting any younger & the timeline is growing smaller. Believing in something & someone so completely can be a dangerous thing. I just want to carve out my own niche...Getting to the ultimate goal seems to be getting closer, but still seems worlds away. I've managed to take myself pretty far from where I started...I know I can get to a better place, but how many hurdles will I jump along the way? What little optimism I had was crushed today when I was made to feel the full scope of my worth in the eyes of the shot caller. I've got a ways to go, but I'm better than this...
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